I'm getting that twitchy feeling...

About 3 times a month, I get this feeling.... This restless, buggy kind of feeling... This, "I want to go in the kitchen and never come out" kind of feeling... The last time this happened, I brought forth a brand-spanking-new cheesecake recipe unto the world, DAH DAH DUUUUUH... (dramatic music is what I was going for there, did ya get it?) ...And about a zillion dirty dishes, but that's an entirely different story... Anyway, last month, it was pie. I've never been an able pie crust person, so I decided that, after my finals were over for the summer semester, that I was going to BEAT THIS. So I did. We had lemon chess pie, we had more lemon chess pie, (Mike really liked it), we had coconut custard pie, and more coconut custard pie... After about 10 extra pounds, I had finally satisfied myself that I indeed, had finally crossed "Making Good Pie Crust" off the list of things I would really like to do before croaking. After that, it was panko breaded golden shrimp. I stood at the bbq, with the cast iron frying pan full of oil, sizzling away on the side burner and breaded and deep fried about a million and a half medium sized shrimp. It was GOOD. It took about 2 hours of my life, but it was worth it. Now, anyone who knows me well, knows that I am capable of wasting copious amounts of time on ONE thing, just to prove I can conquer it. *insert mental image of mad scientist HERE* (case in point: The aforementioned cheesecake, the gluten free bread month, the PERFECT bread recipe search, the sugar free trifle, the lemon cheesecake, the list goes on and on...).

As I have been on a "natural food" kick the last, well, EVER, (and Since I have championed the cause of cutting MSG out of our diets), I have been thinking about a good solution to store-bought, additive-laden crackers. I found a brand that makes GREAT "natural everything" cheese crackers. The box is smaller than the traditional, 2 for 2$ "neon orange" cheese crackers, and my kids can down it in about one sitting. This has made me start thinking about making crackers. I've seen recipes before, but never actually tried. Which led me to thinking about making cheese crackers. Which led me to the twitch...

Which led me to search and download about 10 cracker recipes that have me teetering on the edge of throwing caution, and some much needed housework, to the wind, to begin my adventure. Reckless, you say? Crazy, you ask? Maybe so, my friend, maybe so... But I'll let you know how the crackers turn out...

Shortly after I get done with the mountain of dishes :)

Brought to you today by the #1, and the letter J...

Yes.... I am human.... And, believe it or not, I think that every once in a while, that revelation comes as a surprise to me. Why should I have to set goals? I can just WILL things into being the way I want them too, right?

I remember a conversation I once had with my then sister in law Erica. We were talking about willpower. She said something to the effect that she has always felt that she could overcome any sort of challenge by a brute show of will power. She used the example of cancer. I remember her squinting up her face, and making a sound like she was grunting, to illustrate such will power. I remember that struck such a cord with me. Being of the Walt Disney, the "if you dream it, and wish hard enough, you can have whatever you want" generation, I then set a course to will whatever I surveyed into submission... My weight? SUBMITTED, my husband, and his own free will and ability to think for himself? SUBMITTED (poor guy)

Now, I will be the first to admit that I was a *teensy* bit controlling. Which, if anyone else has ever struggled with that issue, it's hard to even realize what you are doing to the people around you. But, I digress, that's another topic for a different day.

The point I'm trying to make is that I had the idea that I could, through sheer power of mind and will, make everything right that I perceived to be "wrong" in my life... Well, fast forward a little while, and I rapidly figured out exactly what happens when a person tries to control everything, even her feelings... Feelings are interesting things.... They form, sometimes independently of what is going on in our conscious minds. I had to work very hard to "will" out of my head that constant, niggling, worming thought that maybe my situation wasn't right, or happy, and that my husband was not the person that I had formed him into in my mind. We all deal with feelings in different ways. If we had open, loving, supportive families, we are taught that our feelings matter, and that it's ok to vent them, little bits at a time, so that they never build up. Well, I am not one of those kinds of people. I am the kind of person who would rather ignore them, and pretend that I'm fine, in which case, they silently build, and build, and build until I have a meltdown, because of the pressure.

Applying this to my life, oh, say 1996-2006, I was stuck in a VERY stressful marriage, with some major issues, that I was busy trying to ignore... I am a balance person, meaning an imbalance in one part of my life, throws off everything.. Being very much a creature of habit, when I'm feeling so crappy inside, and I'm too afraid to explore those feelings, and fix the problem, so I go into "potato bug mode".

(If you've ever seen one of those little bugs curl up into a hard ball when they perceive a threat, you know what I mean.) Thus, and we all know it takes somewhere around 21 days to form a good habit, and something like 4 to break a good habit... Back in the good 'ole days, I would lay in bed for days at a time, feeling just downright crappy. SO, my good habits of daily laundry, and dishes, and cleaning went out the window. SO, as you can all guess, my habit then became ignoring the messes, and work to be done, and complacency became a big habit in my life...

Well, due to the fact that I had been practicing HARD how to ignore the bad feelings in my life, I also started to ignore ANY feelings, even the good ones. I woke up one day, fat, and lazy, dirty kids, filthy house, and headed nowhere fast. I realized, *defining moment alert* that will power wasn't going to make the problem going away, and I also realized that I was going to have to deal with things, and make some changes, and most of all, WORK. They were life altering changes, and it was like being at the foot of Everest, and knowing that I wasn't going to be fully happy until I reached the top... This is where the will power comes in... I also realized that I HATE changes... I found myself packed up, and moving my kids and I 400 miles away from my husband, and our crumbling marriage, to a new job, and a new life. It was scary. That was almost 4 years ago, and I think I'm just now getting myself to uncurl from my potato bug ball. I've recently realized that I've become out of touch with my feelings again, and instead of having a giant meltdown, I've been "eating my feelings"... WHAT?! When did I become that person? I am realizing that I have developed a subconscious aversion to anything that resembles my life then, (before the move, and the marriage breakup), the good and the bad.

I have been evaluating the things that need to be fixed at this point in time... 1. I need to loose the 45 extra pounds I've "found" in the last 2 years. And not because I'm vain, because I hate the way I look and feel. 2. I need to form some good, daily housekeeping habits again. I loved my house that my husband and I shared in my "back then" life, and due to certain circumstances in that relationship, I left it, because it was about to become "not ours" in a big hurry. I don't think I got enough closure in that area, and that's subconsciously manifested in the fact that I hate cleaning this little, stinky, messy house, and I avoid it like the plague. I used to love cleaning. 3. I need to get back in some daily routine habits. I love pilates, and used to work out daily. I used to study the scriptures for hours at a time. Now it's a huge struggle...

So, after that rambling discourse on nothing of any particular importance to anyone but me, here is the real purpose of this whole thing... I have a wonderful husband, and despite all the little things that go wrong in EVERY ONE'S lives, I am happier than I have ever imagined I could be, in the relationship area. I think it's time to close the door on all that bad stuff, and time to move on...

Starting today, as day #1, I am proclaiming to myself, (and you), that I am going to work on all these things again for 21 days straight, to see where I end up at the end of the 21 days. Are you with me?

Goal #1- I intend to read (at least) one chapter a day in the Book Of Mormon (instead of the 5 chapters, once a week, to feel like I'm making up for not being consistent)

Goal #2- Some exercises every day (except Sunday)

Goal # 3- Wake up early and do at least some of the housework BEFORE work, instead of after work, because it doesn't actually get done, so I have to catch up by cleaning all day at some point. Here are the things that need done daily here: AT least 2 loads of laundry, dishes (no dishwasher), sweeping (gotta love the all wood floors), and cleaning bedrooms.

I know my current jeans size, I know my current weight, so I can measure my progress. Here I sit, a few random days of exercising out of the way, but I'm going to call today, day one. It's going well, so far, I've done the scriptures, and some exercising, now on to cleaning the house. Wish me luck :0

About freakin' time, don't ya think?

Ok, so..... It's been a while, 'eh? But, oh, well, I'm, back, and will slowly try to address lost time as the memories float to the surface. I'm sitting here, cold from the tile floor slowly seeping through my socks... It's cold, and grey and yucky outside. *Que another crazy Wyoming storm*



A little back story: The girls' bedroom is about half the size that it needs to be in order for all of their stuff to fit in it, so it's been an ongoing struggle to get it clean enough for me to even go in there to clean. I can hear them in there "cleaning as I type... I just overheard "this place YUCKS!" out of Cloe.



So, to sum up the last 8 or so months in a nutshell: we saw some stuff, we won some fights, we lost some fights, we learned a lot more about each other, and ourselves, we laughed, we cried, I busted my toe, then my leg, got married, gained 35 pounds, lost 15, had some triumphs, and some tragedies, overall, I would have to give this year an overall rating of "mildly ok", with a sprinkling of happy. Here are some details as I can currently remember them:

April: broken toe, (kicking Whitney Houston)

May: officially started Dirt e Girl. Gained some weight because of inactivity due to aforementioned broken toe. Mike went to the temple for the very first time (one of my top 5 favorite experiences of all time)

June: Kids got out of school, shot a whole freakin bunch of motocross pics, busted my leg,
Charlie arrived for the summer, had several "laughsohardIthinkIwetmypantsalittle" moments, got married 4 hours after we decided to casually, Coulter went to scout camp, the girls went to visit their father for the summer, I slowly gained another few, (ok, so 20), lbs due to the super cool broken-leg-action. We did some adjusting to the new family dynamic. And Whitney Houston just kept on being her retarded self.

I hate this picture, but it's the ONLY one of us on our wedding day!

July/August: Chic and Barb came from PA for the summer, I met cousin Karol in CO Springs, we went to Yellowstone, (first time for Mike), I got some amazing, unforgettable photos, Charlie's allergies were so bad his eyes were swollen shut, (he's a delicate little fellow, in case you were wondering), I was entertained by Jack Jensen in my primary class, had another motocross race to shoot, we all did some more adjusting to married life. Charlie got to experience the wonder that is Cheyenne Frontier Days (I <3> It was a cow elk. I hobbled around on my leg, which still was extremely painful. School, and Charlie went home ( :( ), and heat, heat, heat...

September: Mike's birthday, and gardening, and work, work, work.

October: Possible swine flu, was sick for a whole week, it sucked. We harvested the garden, it froze, then got buried in snow, twice. We realized how much we love it here. (no sarcasm there)

Which brings me to today... I'm getting over last week, which I will forever refer to as "Barf-fest '09".

Or Halloween was great, and I'm happy to be closing the door on a season, and I'm looking forward to fall, and the holidays. And being better about keeping up on this :)

The Monster at the end of this book.

Another Plinky prompt: "Name a children's book that makes you nostalgic. "

Join me on a personal journey to my childhood...

I was definitely part of the "Sesame Generation". All things Grover take me right back to the feel of corduroy jeans when you run really fast, and the way brand new moon boots felt, and the smell of my moms' Impala on a hot day...


I had a pony named "Guy Smiley", and a chicken named "Louise". I could still sing the "12345678910 11, tweeee-ee-eelve" song exactly on key. I dreamed of growing up and having a fix-it shop all my own, or at least just a trash can to hang out in. I never could get why Bert was such a nerd, however. I mean, really, oatmeal is just NOT THAT GOOD, and pigeons stink! My all time favorite SS character would have to be Forgetful Jones. Honestly, how hard is it to remember that the toothbrush is to brush your own teeth?! And, oh, that mustache. That 'stache was enough for me to forever envy anyone who could grow facial hair so effortlessly... He was like the Tom Selek of the Muppet 'Hood.


I always wondered how that giant bird fit in that smallish round nest. And Remember Bad Bart? That dude could DRAW!


Of course, this is supposed to be about literature, not classic American Children's Television...


In a very cliche fashion, I loved The Diary of Anne Frank. I think, as a younger person, this was the first time that I paused for personal reflection. This was such a heart achingly sad story, and a large step backward in the story of human progression to have lost so many beautiful, unique people for such a horrific reason. And the Island of the Blue Dolphin... such beautiful imagery, I always imagined myself trying to survive in the same circumstance. I can never remember the title of that book we read in school about the boys prep school, and the tree that they jumped into the river from, and the character named Phinny. I think that book was the first taste of the delicious world of the literary arts for me. Books like The Call of the Wild, My side of the Mountain, Smoky the Cowhorse, The Taran Wanderer series, and anything by Lloyd Alexander, all served to broaden and shape my literary horizon...


A book was a wonderful companion to grow up with. Now, I think I will head to the library, I feel the hunger to dive into something new...

Uber-Marcy

Another Plinky Prompt...

The Question: Congratulations! You're going to be featured in the next issue of 'Sports Illustrated.' How does your bio read?

My answer: First of all, the sports-following world would hear about my illustrious career of tripping-and-falling. If it were possible, I would "Take State". I'm 6 feet of legs and feet, and every once in a while there is this whole brain/feet disconnect-usually at the worst possible time... Like the time I was in front of about 30 women at church, holding a folder. While I was walking, some papers fell out of the folder and I slipped on them. It was a spectacular jumble of feet and legs, paper, and dress. But, my personal gold-medal performance would have to be the "see how much flesh a treadmill belt can actually saw off my legs at number 6 speed in 60 seconds" (please see my blog for the full play-by-play of this awesome performance - www.buckydewitt.blogspot.com).

In a past life, I was a cowgirl, competing in a state level roping competition. My horse tripped while running, I flew up, out of my saddle, and landed on his neck. I rode the rest of the way that way... I lost the reigns to control the horse somewhere amid this whole scenario, so he was wandering around the arena, then he finally slowed to a stop. I hopped off, and to my surprise, walked out to the standing applause of a good 15k people. Ahh, good times :)

I love technology, but not as much as you, you see, always and forever...

I'm trying out plinky.com, with the daily "blog prompt". This was my response the question "What gadget is at the top of your wish list?" And, I guess, after all, my answer would have to be nothing. Yet, anyway...

"Oh, my goodness, I'm a techno-holic.... I got a Blackberry Curve about a year ago, my "gadget enabler" and his Best Buy account have helped out ever since with shiny, complicated new toys... I have a Palm T/x, and an Ipod touch, Recently I upgraded to a Blackberry Storm. That was where I drew the line. It was heavy, and extremely hard to use, and so much slower than my curve! And to top it all off, every time I talked on the stupid thing my ear would enable the "speakerphone" mode. I had that for a total of 24 hours and it went right back to the store. I walked out with a new pink Curve, and all is right with the world again! I'm off to mobile google anything that might strike my fancy at any given moment :)"

Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings...

Ok, so this post has nothing to do with any of those things, I just like that poem.

On to the good stuff!

Thanks to Michael Lee, and the ipod dock he just bought me for my office, I have been taking a musical journey lately... I have SO much music on my iopd(s), but I have had headphone/connection cable in the truck/speaker issues, so I haven't really used it much lately... It never ceases to amaze me how a song can take me right back to a place/time/feeling in my life. Some good, some bad. So, that being said, I'm sitting here, at work, working my way through the Ian Tyson playlist on shuffle mode, remembering things and places that I have seen with this music as a soundtrack, from the backseat of Virgils truck(s). Because I hate country music so much, I almost forgot how good "cowboy music" is...













I miss Greywhale CD in Ogden, Utah, they had everything you can musically think of-USED. So, for 5$, you could revisit your Senior year, or find that "one" song, from that movie, or... You get the idea. I think I'll head home now, I feel a "Pixies" mood coming on...