Hellwax.

September 01, 2008

Ok, so my loyal fans have requested a new blog.... I call this one "Hellwax"...

As probably most of you know, My Dearest Joni Marie got married mid-July. I travelled the 6 hours to Logan, Utah to attend. Which is also where my younger brother, Andy and his wife, Nikki live. I stayed with them for the 3 days I was in Utah. Now, I don't really remember what led up to this, but Nikki and I got the sudden urge to whip out the body wax and wax each others' eyebrows... Which led to a crazy wax fest. At one point, I looked at her and took a mental step back and pondered just how hysterical it was that she had a huge blob of hardening wax sticking out of each nostril and ripped them both off without flinching at all and without missing a beat in the conversation we were having. Well, I and my newfound courage and waxing skills went home to Cheyenne armed with the confidence to tackle all kinds of personal waxing projects...

Now, let me give you a little backstory. I have always had terrible luck with shaving. Regularly about 3 times a year I cut my legs horrifically with the razor. So, you can probably imagine that I am not a huge fan of shaving, but I'm also less of a bodyhair fan, so I grit my teeth and hack away, and always make sure the bandaids are handy.

Back to my story. On the drive home from Andy and Nikkis' I had been imagining myself, freed from the razor. As soon as I could, I bought the wax, and took it home, and waited patiently while the wax heated for hours. I was WAX-CRAZY that night! I don't think a Johnson or a Dent escaped some sort of waxing. I was so happy with how well my leg waxing turned out that I decided to get brave and wax my armpits. I decided to let them grow for a few days so it would be more satisfying to see those litle suckers in the hardened wax after I yanked them out.

This is where it gets interesting...

It was a Sunday morning, and I had had the wax on the warmer all night so I could go to church with freshly waxed pits. I got a huge blob on my little applicator stick, and smeared it all over my left underarm. I looked at it and decided that I needed just a little more, so I smeared another giant blob. I let it cool and, smiling at the thought of a smooth armpit, grabbed a hunk and YANK! I got about 4 hairs out and screamed. I'm a pretty tough person, but that was THE most excruciating pain I had ever experienced. Including the emergency c-section. I started to panic because I had a pretty big clump still stuck there, and had to be out the door to church in about 45 minutes and I had no makeup on yet. I tried melting it off with the long lighter stick that I use to light candles with. I leaned way over the sink and held it under there as long as I could stand it, then I would wait a little while and start melting again. After I burnt myself I took a different approach and just tried yanking again. By this point I was bleeding all over the place. I tried goo-gone, that spray you use to get sticky gunk off of windows, which I knew was a solvent. It worked a little and a few more hairs loosened and slipped out of the wax, but the down side was that the spray was now also stinging like CRAZY as it got in my freshly traumatized and bleeding folicles. I was super panicky and stressed, and gooey and smelling like scorched wax and hair and goo-gone. I finally just got a huge bandaid, and slapped it over the wax and wore it that way for the next 2 days, and the wax finally just fell off on its own :)

My advice to you? Just say NO to wax....