Do you ever have one of those days?

Oh, I guess it was about three weeks ago, now, but Mike ad I decided to go to the gym. I was wearing Yoga capris, and that becomes relevant later in the story, it's not there solely for vanity purposes :)

Anyway, after a pretty long dry spell, I decided that I need to pick up running again, I was doing 6 miles a day about a year and a half ago, and I would like to get back in shape. Our routine is usually that we start out on the treadmill, and do 1-2 miles, then head to the weight room. Mike was about 2 treadmills away from me to my right, and there was some random guy to my right. He sorta gave a me a crusty look as I started out, it took me some extra time to get my ipod untangled and all situated. I think I was disrupting his rhythm or something... This bad vibe just threw off my whole treadmill time. I was on a brand new machine, with a very grippy belt, picture "belt sander", and my poor old assics were about ready to be put out to pasture. My feet and brain were not in sync, and I kept accidentally stepping over the tread to the stationary side railing. The guy next to me is still giving me crusties, like "what in the heck is this handicapped woman doing here unsupervised?". I finally got "in the zone", and was feeling pretty focused. I was liking what I was listening to, (Clutch:robot hive/exodus album) and gradually closed my eyes. I opened them to see myself zooming off the back of the machine FAST. Just them, my right foot caught the side step, and jerked my whole body backward, so I planted my left foot to stabilize myself. Unfortunately, my left foot was right on top of the roller bar that the belt turns around on, so this threw me back off the machine altogether! Here I am, stuck between the wall about a foot behind the treadmill, and the belt, that is whipping around at number 6 speed. It sawed off about 4lbs of flesh from my legs, because I couldn't get up!

I finally did, and thankfully, no one saw what happened, so I got up, stopped the machine, and tried catching my breath. Mike noticed me stopping and looked at me like "What are you doing?!", but just kept right on running. The grouchy guy next to me must have sensed some movement out of the corner of his eye, but was not overly concerned and did nothing but shoot me another crusty look. I didn't want to draw attention to myself, so here I am, bleeding, and SO sore, but I wasn't going to get off the treadmill till grouchy man left, so I walked another half-mile, or should I say limped :) I finally walked out, and sat. I was so sore and stiff that I could barely get up again, and I had somehow pulled a muscle in my shoulder during the awesome ordeal...

Yet another example of just how uber-cool it is to be me!

Hellwax.

September 01, 2008

Ok, so my loyal fans have requested a new blog.... I call this one "Hellwax"...

As probably most of you know, My Dearest Joni Marie got married mid-July. I travelled the 6 hours to Logan, Utah to attend. Which is also where my younger brother, Andy and his wife, Nikki live. I stayed with them for the 3 days I was in Utah. Now, I don't really remember what led up to this, but Nikki and I got the sudden urge to whip out the body wax and wax each others' eyebrows... Which led to a crazy wax fest. At one point, I looked at her and took a mental step back and pondered just how hysterical it was that she had a huge blob of hardening wax sticking out of each nostril and ripped them both off without flinching at all and without missing a beat in the conversation we were having. Well, I and my newfound courage and waxing skills went home to Cheyenne armed with the confidence to tackle all kinds of personal waxing projects...

Now, let me give you a little backstory. I have always had terrible luck with shaving. Regularly about 3 times a year I cut my legs horrifically with the razor. So, you can probably imagine that I am not a huge fan of shaving, but I'm also less of a bodyhair fan, so I grit my teeth and hack away, and always make sure the bandaids are handy.

Back to my story. On the drive home from Andy and Nikkis' I had been imagining myself, freed from the razor. As soon as I could, I bought the wax, and took it home, and waited patiently while the wax heated for hours. I was WAX-CRAZY that night! I don't think a Johnson or a Dent escaped some sort of waxing. I was so happy with how well my leg waxing turned out that I decided to get brave and wax my armpits. I decided to let them grow for a few days so it would be more satisfying to see those litle suckers in the hardened wax after I yanked them out.

This is where it gets interesting...

It was a Sunday morning, and I had had the wax on the warmer all night so I could go to church with freshly waxed pits. I got a huge blob on my little applicator stick, and smeared it all over my left underarm. I looked at it and decided that I needed just a little more, so I smeared another giant blob. I let it cool and, smiling at the thought of a smooth armpit, grabbed a hunk and YANK! I got about 4 hairs out and screamed. I'm a pretty tough person, but that was THE most excruciating pain I had ever experienced. Including the emergency c-section. I started to panic because I had a pretty big clump still stuck there, and had to be out the door to church in about 45 minutes and I had no makeup on yet. I tried melting it off with the long lighter stick that I use to light candles with. I leaned way over the sink and held it under there as long as I could stand it, then I would wait a little while and start melting again. After I burnt myself I took a different approach and just tried yanking again. By this point I was bleeding all over the place. I tried goo-gone, that spray you use to get sticky gunk off of windows, which I knew was a solvent. It worked a little and a few more hairs loosened and slipped out of the wax, but the down side was that the spray was now also stinging like CRAZY as it got in my freshly traumatized and bleeding folicles. I was super panicky and stressed, and gooey and smelling like scorched wax and hair and goo-gone. I finally just got a huge bandaid, and slapped it over the wax and wore it that way for the next 2 days, and the wax finally just fell off on its own :)

My advice to you? Just say NO to wax....

Mega Booger, or "The Big Stink"

March 23, 2007


Funny story in the Life and Times of Marcy J.


About a month ago, I was sitting in church, with Cloe on my lap. As toddlers do, she was chewing on her finger, drool on her dress. I noticed a really strange odor, that seemed to be coming from her. I did the quick sniff-around to find the source of the stench as discretely as I could. I couldn't quite pin it down. I kept noticing the smell every so often over the next few days, and I decided that maybe she had an ear infection. The doctor confirmed my suspicions, and started her on a two week round of antibiotic. I went on vacation about a week into the treatment and the kids spent the week with their father. He informed me that she was no longer smelly. After being away from her for a LONG week, I of course hugged her when I saw her, and I caught a big ole' whiff of the stink, which I have decided smells like a mixture of rotten meat and swamp water. I made another doc. appointment, which I just returned from.


EEEW, bare with me for a minute... It was so DISGUSTING...

He looked in her ears and determined that she didn't have an ear infection and then he looked in her nose...

He said, "huh" and jumped up and ran out of the room. Never a good sign. He came back in the room with a tool that looked like a crochet hook and starts digging in her nose. After a few seconds of the digging, out plops this HUGE booger encrusted hunk of something AWFUL. It plopped on to her sweater and then on to my jeans. The doctor, the nurse, and I all just quietly looked at each other and the nurse gagged. The doctor picked up "Mega Boogie" and looked at it, said "YUMMY" and threw it in the trash. It was about the size of a walnut in the shell, and the color was indescribable.

I usually never get nauseous enough to vomit, but I nearly did right then and there. EEWH!

Cloe, for the rest of the morning walked around, sniffing. I guess it has been a while since she could smell out of that nostril...

Kids are fun, right?

Old Blog: Crazy Old Lady

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Crazy old lady

Ok, funny story from this morning... I live next to a sweet old lady and her 50 year old swingin' single son. She has become my buddy, despite the fact that she has vertigo and constantly forgets what she is trying to say. She came trotting up to my doorstep this morning with a plastic target bag draped over her arm. She comes into my hallway and jerks out a brand new pair of tightie-whities, mens. She asked what size my 10 year old son wears. I told her and she proceeds to try to explain to me that her naughty son,(remember, he's 50) bought the wrong sized drawers, even after she told him that he wears 32's. The panties she was waving around at me were 30's. She said my son could have them beacause they don't fit Allen. I am a huge germophobe, so this was setting off all KINDS of alarm bells with my internal cleanliness warning system. She forced me to take a pair of these drawers, and all I could think about as I stood there holding them was "Please, don't let this be the pair that Allen tried on to determine that they were too small." I set them on the floor next to my trash can and I had to wash my hands about 4 times to actually feel clean. I hope Coulter is ready for his used underpants fitting after school today...

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Update: Many of my loyal fans may be wondering if Coulter liked his new underpants....

Yesterday being Monday was family night in my little Mo universe, so the kids and I went to the library and then to dinner. Coulter and I were laughing about the undies through the whole meal, he has an incredible sense of humor. The evening progressed into time to go home and get everyone to bed. By the time we arrived home I had forgotten about them, lying forlornly on the kitchen floor, next to the trash. (single tear for the sad, unwanted undies). I was battling with grouchy Cloe to get her into her jammies, and Coulter, screaming "MOM!", came jumping around the corner, into my bedroom wearing them over his jeans! I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt! He asked me if he could mail them to his dad, I think that should speak volumes about the quality of parenting by both paties involved......

Old blog entries.

Ok, so I decided that I should move a few of my Myspace blog entries to here, so other people get a laugh at just how crazy my life has been over the years :)