Mega Booger, or "The Big Stink"

March 23, 2007


Funny story in the Life and Times of Marcy J.


About a month ago, I was sitting in church, with Cloe on my lap. As toddlers do, she was chewing on her finger, drool on her dress. I noticed a really strange odor, that seemed to be coming from her. I did the quick sniff-around to find the source of the stench as discretely as I could. I couldn't quite pin it down. I kept noticing the smell every so often over the next few days, and I decided that maybe she had an ear infection. The doctor confirmed my suspicions, and started her on a two week round of antibiotic. I went on vacation about a week into the treatment and the kids spent the week with their father. He informed me that she was no longer smelly. After being away from her for a LONG week, I of course hugged her when I saw her, and I caught a big ole' whiff of the stink, which I have decided smells like a mixture of rotten meat and swamp water. I made another doc. appointment, which I just returned from.


EEEW, bare with me for a minute... It was so DISGUSTING...

He looked in her ears and determined that she didn't have an ear infection and then he looked in her nose...

He said, "huh" and jumped up and ran out of the room. Never a good sign. He came back in the room with a tool that looked like a crochet hook and starts digging in her nose. After a few seconds of the digging, out plops this HUGE booger encrusted hunk of something AWFUL. It plopped on to her sweater and then on to my jeans. The doctor, the nurse, and I all just quietly looked at each other and the nurse gagged. The doctor picked up "Mega Boogie" and looked at it, said "YUMMY" and threw it in the trash. It was about the size of a walnut in the shell, and the color was indescribable.

I usually never get nauseous enough to vomit, but I nearly did right then and there. EEWH!

Cloe, for the rest of the morning walked around, sniffing. I guess it has been a while since she could smell out of that nostril...

Kids are fun, right?

Old Blog: Crazy Old Lady

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Crazy old lady

Ok, funny story from this morning... I live next to a sweet old lady and her 50 year old swingin' single son. She has become my buddy, despite the fact that she has vertigo and constantly forgets what she is trying to say. She came trotting up to my doorstep this morning with a plastic target bag draped over her arm. She comes into my hallway and jerks out a brand new pair of tightie-whities, mens. She asked what size my 10 year old son wears. I told her and she proceeds to try to explain to me that her naughty son,(remember, he's 50) bought the wrong sized drawers, even after she told him that he wears 32's. The panties she was waving around at me were 30's. She said my son could have them beacause they don't fit Allen. I am a huge germophobe, so this was setting off all KINDS of alarm bells with my internal cleanliness warning system. She forced me to take a pair of these drawers, and all I could think about as I stood there holding them was "Please, don't let this be the pair that Allen tried on to determine that they were too small." I set them on the floor next to my trash can and I had to wash my hands about 4 times to actually feel clean. I hope Coulter is ready for his used underpants fitting after school today...

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Update: Many of my loyal fans may be wondering if Coulter liked his new underpants....

Yesterday being Monday was family night in my little Mo universe, so the kids and I went to the library and then to dinner. Coulter and I were laughing about the undies through the whole meal, he has an incredible sense of humor. The evening progressed into time to go home and get everyone to bed. By the time we arrived home I had forgotten about them, lying forlornly on the kitchen floor, next to the trash. (single tear for the sad, unwanted undies). I was battling with grouchy Cloe to get her into her jammies, and Coulter, screaming "MOM!", came jumping around the corner, into my bedroom wearing them over his jeans! I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt! He asked me if he could mail them to his dad, I think that should speak volumes about the quality of parenting by both paties involved......

Old blog entries.

Ok, so I decided that I should move a few of my Myspace blog entries to here, so other people get a laugh at just how crazy my life has been over the years :)

The ol' Hole in the Cup trick!

Hey, It's Mike and I am guessing it is my turn to "Blog". For those of you who know me, know that I probably have seen almost everything....ALMOST...until this afternoon.



Marcy is pretty much my "handler". I hate to make phone calls, schedule appointments, and do anything that requires dealing with the public. Thank goodness for Marcy! She is always there to help me out and make sure that I get stuff taken care of. I am a type 2 diabetic. I was getting to the point of not having any refills left on my meds, so I needed to make a trip to the doctor and get that stuff taken care of. One magic phone call to Marcy and a few minutes later I have an appointment!



Since going by myself is out of the question, I stopped by and grabbed Marcy and Cloe to go with me. Marcy may be required to produce my insurance card or answer some questions that I should know as well as fill out some paperwork. Anyhow, we got there and everything went smooth. I sat in the chair and watched the Weather Channel while Marcy checked me in. Within a few minutes, the nurse called my name and we headed around the corner to the examination room.



We made the stop at the scale and got a weight ( I know the scale was way off), and then went into the exam room. I jumped up on the table and let Marcy answer all the medical questions. The nurse finally turned to me and told me that she needed to check my sugar through blood and urine. Great.... She told me to go to the bathroom and there were sample cups on the counter and to bring out the urine sample when I was done. I went in, closed the door and pushed the lock in. I tool one off the cups off the counter and tore the plastic off, opened the lid and set it on the counter. The next sequence is pretty much exactly how you would imagine. Un-button, un-zip, adjust, place cup, go pee pee....wait....What the heck? Some liquid was flowing from the cup area down to the floor and spalshing on my boots. It was coming out almost as fast as I was filling it! I stood there in a state of shock as urine ran out of the bottom of the cup. I went through the mental checklist.



1. I am peeing in the cup and not off target, right?



CHECK



2. The lid was removed?



CHECK



ALL SYSTEMS GO!



Still, something failed. Quickly, I stopped and held the cup up in the air to see what the problem was...all while urine was flowing out of the cup and on my boots. There was a hole in the specimen cup!!!!! With my cat-like reflexes, I grabbed another cup off the counter and ripped the plastic off with my teeth like a soldier pulling the pin on a grenade, spun the cap off on in one fluid motion (no pun intended), dumped out what was in the defective cup into the new cup and topped it all off with a little straight from the source.

As I spun the cap on, set the cup on the table, took care of the placement of things, and cleaned the pee pee off the floor, I thought how I was going to explain this one. It crossed my mind not to say a word but I had to tell someone.....

I walked back in the exam room and told the nurse. Of course, she didn't quite get what I was saying. Marcy immediately lost it! Finally, the nurse got it. It was one of those laughs where you can's breathe...just turn bright red. Everyone in the room was in tears. Soon, the whole office knew of my sample troubles.


I guess the moral of this story would be everyone can be the "one in a million". My odds just hit on the the sample cup lottery instead of the Powerball.


Mike

I quit!

In case you are just joining our program, here's a little back story...

In the fall of '05, I found myself a mother of 4, with some major financial struggles, and no way to support myself if the need arose, and eventually the need did arise. I have always been sort of a Real Estate junkie, and, in a passing conversation with a broker in Evanston, I decided that I needed to get my RE license. He offered me job after I got through with the testing process. While I was in Cheyenne finishing up the required classroom hours to finalize my license, I was offered a job selling not houses, but dirt! Brooks Realty offered 40 acre tracts of beautiful ranch property, wide-open prairie, great prices, lots of nationwide advertising, unbeatable no qualifying, in house financing, and a very good commission structure. A whole heck of a lot better than tiny income of a residential agent in Evanston. This all came at me at a time of extreme flux in my life. The kids and I packed up and moved 400 miles away from our home, anyone we knew! It was a definite challenge, but it was exactly where I knew Heavenly Father wants me to be. I had the most incredible co-workers. More like family. I moved to the beautiful Hereford Ranch. I have a great ward, I shudder to think where I would be right now if I didn't have the support network of the Church during this time. This job has taken very good care of me. Last spring, it was decided that our advertising structure was going to change, which had the unforeseen effect on all the agents of cutting our sales significantly. The spring turned to summer, turned to fall, which is the natural slow time with this company. The advertising usually runs from March through October, and then we usually cultivate the contacts we gained during that time during the slow months. Last fall found me with very few leads, and not nearly the nest egg I had hoped for, (such is life on commission!), so I decided to accept an offer to work for a commercial RE brokerage in town. The work was exciting, but I found that my new boss and I had major personality conflicts. It was such a struggle. I pushed my way through it, but, truth be told, I was absolutely miserable. I had been hanging on and hanging on, hoping to get paid for any of the handful of projects I had been working on. The climate was less than ideal. In retrospect, the whole experience was soul-sucking. I finally had had enough, I couldn't take it anymore, and I quit last Friday. My wonderful boss at Brooks, Uncle Fred, was so supportive, and welcomed me back with open arms. He even helped me move out of my office. My friends have been such a help through all of this, too. It makes me feel so good that you're all so concerned with my welfare and happiness :)

Today was my first full day back, and it was so incredible, like taking a deep breath of fresh air after being in a stuffy, cramped room. As I walked by Ed's office, and saw Cloe sitting on his lap while he read his email, it really hit me that I never have to go back to that other place again! I can't wait to meet a whole new years' worth of landowners, and to help them build their dream here... Wish me luck!

Mr. Dent...

I don't know how many of you are Arrested Development fans, but the title of this post made me need to sing the "Mr.F" song from season 3 in a British accent...

On to the mysterious Michael Lee. He and I had a mutual friend who introduced us about about 3 years ago, or was it 4? Anyway, we met over a shirt rack in a smelly truck stop, of all things.. I walked into the room, and saw him, and we instantly had this connection. I couldn't quite understand my reaction at the time, but it makes so much sense, now. It was like seeing an old friend after a very long time. I knew that we had met before. He was living in Iowa at the time, I met him while he was making a Iowa to California run. ( He's a truck driver) The days and weeks went by and we talked. One of the very first conversations we had, we talked about our hometowns, etc. I told him I was from Utah. He asked me if I was a "Mormon", I said yes, and he proudly proclaimed, I'm going to be one someday too! And, of course, my Primary Kid instincts kicked in! I think it was a matter of hours that I had a package in the mail with Our Search For Happiness, and the BOM. Mike and I have always communicated very well, we have the same sense of humor, we think the same way. I have always admired him from the very beginning for being so ready and willing to absorb the Gospel. He truly is a very choice spirit. He and I and Verizon continued with his gospel education off and on over the course of a couple of years. He was my rock through all the struggles I seemed to be going through with my dying marriage, and he was the best coach I could have asked for. I moved to Cheyenne about a year after I met him, I guess.(Boy, I'm getting old and forgetful!) One day I had a random urge to send him a box of movies. I stuck in The Singles Ward, The RM, The Best Two Years, and a couple of other things.

Mike was living in Pennsylvania by this time, and his son was up from Florida for the summer, and I thought they would get a laugh. He told me he got the box, and I really didn't think too much more about it. He called me about 4 the next morning after staying up all night to watch all the churchy-ish movies over twice! He asked me if I could get the missionaries to come talk to him as soon as possible. Over the time that I have known him, I prayed for that moment so long and so hard. I could feel the adversary working on him so hard sometimes, and there were times that I felt like he was winning, but that was so very gratifying to be a part of that moment in his life. Mike has such a special, strong spirit, and he hit the ground running with his education. He and I pretty much worked through all his questions long before he ever got to this point. Before his first meeting with what became "his" Elders, I told him to make sure that one of the first things that should come out of his mouth the first time he met them was to inform them that he was a "golden". Because he was! Later his elders told me that they would come over, briefly outline the discussions, he would proceed to explain each principle in depth, and then they would just chat for the rest of the appointment! Cute little Elder Parr told me that Mike taught him a few things! They have a great bond of friendship both of them email Mike faithfully every Monday. Elder Bull gets off his mission in a few weeks and is already making plans for all of us to get together.

Anyway, on November 30, 2007, I got to be in PA and witness my best friend be baptized and confirmed a member of the church. The moment he came out of the water, he had the most indescribable look on his face, I will never forget that as long I live. We decided to make a pilgrimage to Harmony, PA, and then on to Palmyra, NY. I have longed to see the Sacred Grove, and the Hill Cumorah since I was a little girl, and it was every bit as beautiful and special as I ever could have hoped for. I think I will post this trip in detail in a separate posting.

I have witnessed Mike make so many changes in his life, and "the mighty change of heart" is such an amazing thing to behold. I feel truly blessed to be a part of this whole journey with him. I have had so many impressions and whisperings that he and I sat together somewhere before this life and made promises to each other to make this happen. I think we planned, and wished, and dreamed together. His journey so far hasn't been easy, but his resolve has been rock-solid, and I admire him more than he can imagine for that. Since his baptism, I was by his side for his Patriarchal Blessing, his first trip to the temple, and I have watched him grow so much. He truly is an inspiration...

The here and now...

So, I'm sure you blog-a-holics will already be able to tell, but good ole Marcy Jean is kinda new to this blogging business, so bare with me...

Since I didn't get around to the Christmas letter that I promised myself I would get out, I guess I will just update everyone here, instead. First of all, as I'm sure most of you who care already know, Dean and I have been separated and going through a challenging divorce for about 3 years now. It has been a bumpy road, but it's finally over, and I'm happy to say that we parted friends, which, under the circumstances, is about the best a person could hope for, I guess. We had some memories together, and there were some good times, it was a valuable learning experience, and we have 4 beautiful children, and now we are both happily moving on...

That being said, lets move on a head, shall we?

Currently, as of this moment, Marcy Jean is sitting at my desk at the commercial RE firm, Grubb&Ellis Wyoming, where I have been sitting since 9 am with nothing to do, (it's now almost 2 pm). I am currently wrestling with a job I do NOT enjoy, and am exploring my various options. I will be headed back to Brooks Realty in a few weeks, hopefully, where I have been working since May 2006. This is the job that I love :)

I have been able to help several people enjoy their dream of land ownership in the beautiful West over the course of my career here. I have made some lifelong friends, seen the beautiful, wide open expanse of the prairie stretched out before me as far as my eyes would let me see, and I have to say, I think it's one of the most beautiful sights a person could take in. I am truly thankful for the direction God has given my life so far, and I'm very thankful for the opportunity to keep waking up one more day and trying all over again.

I'm forever grateful, ( that almost seems like too soft a word for the emotion I feel), for ancestors and parents that embraced the gospel of Jesus Christ so that I could grow up with the constant influence in my life. It truly is the way to happiness.

I wake up every morning in my sweet little home on the Wyoming Hereford Ranch and 2 things usually happen. 1) I curse it for being about 1 1/2 sizes too small for our family, and 2) I swear to myself that I will never leave until I find a place that fits just right in my soul the way this place does.

On to the kidlets :)

Coulter is 11, going on 12 in April, which makes me feel incredibly old... I feel like I haven't quite been out of the awkward pre-teen/teen phase long enough to have a child going through it! He's incredibly mature, and probably, truth be told, one of my best friends. He is smarter than he gives himself credit for, stronger than he gives himself credit for, and it frightens me sometimes to see just what an impact his example has on the girls, be it good or bad. Being a parent is like a long, bumpy roller coaster ride, with plenty of ups and downs, and fast turns that it's fun, but still makes you want to barf sometimes too :)

Keller Mattie is 9, going on 10 in June. She sensitive, and caring, and funny. She is the spitting image of Grandma Sharon. She loves taking pictures, and drawing and painting, and horses. She is the messy one in our family, and Coulter affectionately coined the nickname "Sloppy Joe", which, of course, I have to pretend isn't funny while I explain to him that it hurts her feeling.

Hawley is 7 going on 30. She's a very deep thinker, and is alarmingly concerned about the way she looks all the time, I have a clothes-horse on my hands, I realized a while ago.She can fall asleep almost at will, which usually coincides with some sort of chore she is assigned. She's a very outgoing child, which does try my patience a lot, as you can imagine.

Cloe is our not-so-little-anymore littlest one. She is 4, but her soul is much older and wiser, and more mature. She is very analytical, and is a very good problem solver. She is a "call it like I see it" child, which sometimes is mildly uncomfortable. She is the author of such comments as "Mom, the guy with the brown head just waved at me", said in her loudest speaking voice, referring to the African-American fix-it man in my office building.

Life is fun, isn't it?! Anyway, that's a good enough start for now, anyway...